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Fuck Outside Lands

2015-08-10 02:54:29 by DJ-Ri

For those of you who don't know, Outside Lands is an annual San Francisco music festival held in Golden Gate Park every year. It's a pretty huge event with a usually large turnout.

As someone who's lived right by where this event takes place for over 20 years, I fucking HATE Outside Lands. Here's why:

This is a relatively quiet (by San Francisco standards, anyway) residential neighborhood. It generally stays that way all year round, with the exception of a little bit of ruckus mostly isolated to the commercially-zoned strips of streets like Irving and Judah on the weekends. Even then, aside from the usual San Francisco craziness, it's generally still pretty tame and things tend to simmer down at night.

However, when Outside Lands begins, all of that changes. The area transforms from a quiet residential neighborhood into something akin to Market Street (located in the heart of downtown San Francisco) during New Year's Eve.

They fence off a huge section of Golden Gate Park and deploy swarms of guards that prevent the local residents from going on their usual strolls through the park to keep unpaying attendees out of the event. Before and after the music starts playing (especially after the event is over), the streets get flooded with beligerent, drunken yuppies moving to and from the event to the point that walking down the street feels like you're swimming upstream through a raging river of people.

The drunken yuppies trash the neighborhood, destroying property and leaving garbage laying around everywhere for the neighborhood's residents to clean up the next morning. All the local bus and train lines become so congested with these people that it becomes impossible to board them (while also causing significant delays in the SF public transit system in general), and they make so much noise that nobody can even get any sleep until much later in the evening after they've all cleared out of here.

The worst part is that the event continues for several days in a row... No, one day is not enough for these people. They have to terrorize our neighborhood for multiple consecutive days before they've finally had their fill.

Contrary to it's full title, "Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival," the event itself is not really about music or art and is basically just about money. The event is designed to tap the massive swarms of wealthy newcomer yuppies (who infested our city a few years ago when Twitter set up shop here) for as much money as possible.

Most of the people who go to the event aren't really interested in the music and are more interested in drinking, dancing, trashing our neighborhood, getting high and getting laid. The music is just a bonus for them (and a massive nuisance to everyone else who lives in the area.) Most of the event's attendees are not local to this area and live either downtown within the confines of the official SF yuppie quarantine zone, or elsewhere in the Bay Area.

This evening I was on the train heading home after visiting my mother and forgot that this event was going on this weekend. At first, everything was quiet and the train was mostly empty. Then, as the train approached 28th avenue, the nightmare began.

At the train stop stood a swarm of what was probably about 300-400 people. They were everywhere, completely saturating the sidewalk and spilling out into the street. As the train's doors opened, the swarm began hastefully boarding the vehicle. Before I even realized what was happening, I had 7 people pressing their bodies up against me. The aroma of alcohol breath and body odor filled my nostrils.

The yuppies continued swarming the train for approximately 5 minutes. I decided that I simply did not have the capacity to tolerate it any longer and shoved my way past the swarm to escape the train before I lost my nerve. I walked the rest of the 11 blocks home.

During my walk, I was forced to weave my way through the ocean of people that had flooded the street. Most of them did not seem to be paying attention to where and how they were walking, and I had to carefully manuever through the swarm to avoid being knocked over and crushed beneath their feet.

I watched in disgust as these vile yuppie scumbags carelessly tossed empty bottles and other various trash all over the sidewalk right outside of people's homes, shouting loudly and keeping everyone inside the buildings awake as I made my way up the street. As I crossed the street at the end of each block, I narrowly avoided being run over by drunken, reckless drivers who were among the attendees that were driving home from the event speeding through the intersection.

Finally, after a long and treacherous journey through the swarm, I was relieved to be back in my tiny studio apartment, tucked safely away from all the chaos and destruction that was still unfolding on the street outside.

So, to conclude this post, I just want to say "fuck you!" to all you careless, beligirent yuppie scumbags who attended Outside Lands this weekend, as well as all the greedy, selfish fucks responsible for holding the event here. Fuck every last one of you. This sort of thing has absolutely NO place in our neighborhood. If you guys want to party and trash shit, take it downtown instead. We don't want you here, so kindly go fuck yourselves!

(end of rant)

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